Blog entries from: Reluctant Memsahib

the diary of wife, mother and failed domestic goddess in Africa

1 to 10 of 16

November 26 2014

From Reluctant Memsahib Wed Nov 26 2014, 05:31:38

Hat is describing a school function via Skype.  I witness her frustration in her frowns and the way she narrows her eyes when she's cross. (A memory: when I was a child we had a book about science, it imagined a far off scenario where we could see the face of the person we were [...]

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November 21 2014

From Reluctant Memsahib Fri Nov 21 2014, 06:29:32

To market, to market to buy a fat pig (or sell some lampshades) Home again, home again, jiggety jig.   Home. 2 000 Klm round trip. To a fair to sell my wares. The heat bore down and the social onslaught threatened to overwhelm. So much air kissing. Mwah mwah.  (The acquaintances). Throwing arms around [...]

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November 11 2014

From Reluctant Memsahib Tue Nov 11 2014, 09:20:27

  On Sunday my eldest daughter will be 21. She's thousands and thousands of miles away. A teacher now. Or a teacherintraining. I say to an acquaintance, when they enquire as to where my children are and what they are doing: "Melie? Oh, she's teaching'. Teaching? Teaching. A degree from Cambridge and she's teaching? What [...]

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November 3 2014

From Reluctant Memsahib Mon Nov 3 2014, 09:03:22

  I think about marriage a lot.   I think about it because if I were not married to Ant I would not be here. This would not be my choice. I am here because he is here and because I Do, I Am.   Here.   It's a peculiar thing that I turn over [...]

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October 31 2014

From Reluctant Memsahib Fri Oct 31 2014, 06:07:28

So here's the thing. Because you - I - call myself 'a writer' (because it sounds better, when I'm asked what I do, than saying 'erm ... ahhhhm ... err ... Well I'm sort of a stay at home mum (whose part time mothering habit leaves her in an empty nest for most of the [...]

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October 28 2014

From Reluctant Memsahib Tue Oct 28 2014, 08:39:23

  The Selous Game Reserve is huge.   It hunkers low in Tanzania's belly, its southern boundaries almost touching Mozambique. It's big and hot and sprawls so that its spread is greater than whole countries; it's bigger than Switzerland. It's Africa unwieldy, a vast space of sky and scrub and water and wildlife - at [...]

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October 19 2014

From Reluctant Memsahib Sun Oct 19 2014, 06:26:20

The worst thing about loving a person with Depression is that you lose them when they're ill. Depression steals their voice, their vigour, their very essence. I have two mums. My well mum. My sick mum. That's how much her illness changes her; she morphs from brave to timid, chatty to silent, upbeat to downhearted, [...]

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October 18 2014

From Reluctant Memsahib Sat Oct 18 2014, 08:26:23

This is the first October that I have not had any of my children home. Ever. Through school they always enjoyed a fortnight's mid term break. Which I enjoyed more. For a long time we used to go to the beach then; October being the best time of year on the East African coast. Not [...]

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October 16 2014

From Reluctant Memsahib Thu Oct 16 2014, 08:01:39

Today I feel angry. I stomp around on my walk and kick things and shout and scream at the dogs to keep up and stop racing off until I am nearly hoarse. I feel angry because I feel trapped. Because Ant is unhappy. Because I am so far away. Because none of this was our [...]

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October 13 2014

From Reluctant Memsahib Mon Oct 13 2014, 10:54:19

  'Will I be eaten by a lion?' I ask the ranger on the gate.   He stops writing in his register, a big book daubed with dirty fingerprints, biro poised. 'Will I?' I persist, 'I've heard that three people have been eaten here recently'.   After a pause, he snorts, 'that's not true'.   [...]

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